Sometimes people don’t change

My mother was deeply affected by the death of her own mother when she was four years old.

Because she never received the love she needed, she was a non-toucher. She never showed her love for me by hugging or kissing me.

Finally, when I was in counseling after my divorce, I realized how much I wanted a kiss on the cheek from my mother.

On Christmas Day, I greeted my mother with a big smile, a hug and a kiss on her cheek.

She immediately wiped my kiss off her face. “You know how I feel about hugs and kisses,” she said.

I was hurt, of course. However, eventually, my mother was able to change. Before she died, we shared many hugs and kisses.

People can change. But sometimes the people we love don’t change. During the first years I worked as a counselor, I was amazed at how the number of people who wanted to start counseling grew tremendously after the holidays. Most of them were people who were deeply disappointed that they had spent their holiday playing out old patterns with their families. They were changing, but their families were still the same.

Sometimes we have to accept that the people we love will not change.


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