Do you have good boundaries?

Many women  come to me for counseling because they have bad boundaries. Some of them didn’t develop good boundaries as the result of physical abuse when they were children. They may have had parents who hit them, slapped them or said mean things to them. Even women who were never abused often are encouraged to become pleasers and followers.

A woman with not-so-good boundaries is reluctant to stand up for herself. When a friend at church asks her to volunteer for another committee, she may say “yes” when she wants to say “no.” She may even stay in a marriage when she knows her husband may hit her again next week.

How can you develop better boundaries?

Women in therapy often ask me, “How do I know if I have good boundaries?” I tell them to keep a journal. Every night right down what happened that day. Did you speak up for yourself? Can you think of something you wish you had said? Did you take care of yourself or did you spend the whole day taking care of everyone else? Are you proud of something you did? Did you buy those crazy shoes that everyone is wearing even though they look silly on you?

Being aware of what you did today can help you build better boundaries tomorrow. Think ahead. Set a goal to speak up to a friend or colleague or your boss. If you need professional help, find a counselor.

You can read more about boundaries in this blog post.


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