When I was married to my first husband, I was still a pleaser.
My ex-husband loved to tease me, and I hated to be teased. He once called me his “petite pachyderm” when I was pregnant, and I acted as if I thought he was funny even though I felt humiliated and angry.
I was a pleaser because I didn’t have good boundaries. At that time, I wasn’t sure who I was. And, since I wasn’t sure about myself, other people didn’t know who I was either.
Good boundaries are invisible lines that define where you begin and where you end. They are very important. Not only do they separate you from other people, they also help define who you are.
I remember distinctly one morning when I was driving to Denton to attend classes at the University of North Texas. I was about 30 years old, divorced and the mother of two children.
Suddenly, bright lights went on in my head. I realized that I am an adult. I can make my own decisions and abide with them. The choices are mine, and the results are mine. I am responsible for my own feelings, my own decisions and my own actions.
That was the first step I took toward building good boundaries.
You can read more about boundaries in this blog post.